


All Your Life

by Lirillith



Category: Free!
Genre: Childhood Memories, Free! Eternal Summer, Free! Kink Meme, High ☆ Speed!, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2635556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirillith/pseuds/Lirillith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Makoto's birthday, and when the twins' belief that their brother needs to have his friends over for cake and presents comes into contact with Gou and Nagisa's desire to plan a surprise party, Haru's fate is sealed.  Makoto's too, but he doesn't mind so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Your Life

**Author's Note:**

> Set a bit post-series, for Makoto's eighteenth birthday; references events from [High Speed!](http://janeypeixes.tumblr.com/post/57716612938/high-speed-translations) (another translation [here](http://sunnyskies.dreamwidth.org/)) and [High Speed! 2](http://janeypeixes.tumblr.com/tagged/high-speed!-2).
> 
> The original prompt can be found [here](http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/893.html?thread=707197#cmt707197).

If you ask Haru, they're a little old for birthday parties with cake and ice cream, but the twins are old enough to have opinions about what birthdays ought to be like, and Makoto's mother is indulging them. And then, for the whipped-cream topping of pain in the neck, Nagisa and Gou get enthusiastic too.

He puts up a token struggle, but in the end, Haru can't see a way to get out of it; it's Makoto's birthday, after all.

So Haru's over at the Tachibanas' house, helping set up banners and inflate balloons, wondering if he could have stopped this plan from snowballing out of control at some point. Makoto's out bringing the twins back from a friend's house, Gou and Nagisa are chattering excitedly, and then Haru hears Rin say, "Aww, how cute. The twins and the twins."

Haru turns, bristling at Rin's tone. "What?" Rin says. "I'm not being sarcastic. It really is cute."

Rei's gone over to join him. Pushing up his glasses, he scrutinizes the photos a lot more closely than is really required. "That's Haruka-senpai," he says.

Haru's doomed. Nagisa and Gou drift over that way as well, Gou still holding onto a balloon. "Is that your first day of school?" Gou asks.

It's one of those paired frames, the photos facing each other. In one half, Haru stares gravely at the camera, his mother's hand on his shoulder, while next to him, Makoto, still the same height as him, holds his own mother's hand. Children on the inside, flanked by their moms. Everyone's dressed up; Mrs. Tachibana's hair is shorter than she's worn it in years. His parents have a copy too. In the facing frame, Mrs. Tachibana stands between Ran and Ren, holding their hands. The school gate behind them is the same in both.

"It's the first day of school," he confirms, not that anyone's waiting for his response. 

"Aww, Haru-chan and Mako-chan are the same height!" Nagisa says. "That's adorable!"

"They even had their growth spurts at the same time," Makoto's mother says from the kitchen. "Makoto just kept going." 

"It was annoying," Haru says by way of agreement. Five months younger than him and he just kept getting taller and taller.

"And you weren't even the one paying for everything he outgrew," she retorts. It's kind of a surprise to him that he's never thought of it that way before; probably because Makoto had more or less stopped by the time Haru was living alone and paying for his own clothes and shoes. The money came from his parents, but the budget was his. 

"So they've been friends for that long?" Gou asks Mrs. Tachibana. 

"Longer, really — Haruka's mother and I bonded over being pregnant at the same time, so we were always taking the boys to the beach or the park together, or babysitting for each other. I had plenty of practice for the twins."

"Since birth, then?" Nagisa says. "No wonder they can read each other's minds."

She laughs. "I don't know. The boys were just along for the ride for the first few years. I'm not really sure when they started to be friends in their own right."

Haru doesn't really know either. Makoto had just always been there. A pain, sometimes; meddling, scolding, running late, talking when Haru wanted silence. But always there. Answering when Haru had nothing to say. Loaning him scarves and books and pencils, sharing lunches, dragging him out of the house to swim or play in the snow or try out a new video game. Pulling him into things that made him happy even when he thought they were too much trouble. Saddling him with pets, with teams and clubs and friends.

"Watch out, though," she adds. "We're the embarrassing kind of parents. Show any interest at all and I'll pull out the photo albums."

Rin's eyes light up at the same time and in exactly the same way as Nagisa's. This would be a really good time for Makoto's lucky timing to kick in. Unfortunately, it has to be indirect.

"They're almost here, right?" Gou asks, glancing at the clock..

"They should be..."

"Okay!" Gou exclaims. "Everyone get your hats and poppers and take your places!"

"I am not wearing one of those hats," Rei says with distaste, even as Nagisa is fitting the elastic from his under his chin. Haru reluctantly takes up a popper from the heap on the kitchen table, then, considering his options, a hat as well. If Gou and Nagisa can't get it away from him they can't get it on his head. 

Somehow all the others have already claimed their spots behind the living room furniture by the time Haru gets there. He can choose between sharing one sofa with the Matsuokas, or the other with Rei and Nagisa. Nagisa is busy trying to get a hat onto Rei, so he crouches down with them; if Gou wants people wearing pointy hats, she might decide he's an easier target than her brother, but Nagisa is much more likely to torment Rei than him. 

"No," Rei hisses at Nagisa. "It's unsightly."

"But Rei-channnn..."

Haru shushes them, and Nagisa subsides into pouting. Rei cranes his neck over the back of the couch, and then hunkers back down.

"I didn't know you two had been friends for so long, Haruka-senpai. That's amazing. Childhood friendship is truly beautiful." 

"Mm," Haru responds absently. Rei can take it as agreement if he wants. He doesn't think their friendship is especially beautiful. How would you tell the difference between a beautiful friendship and an ugly one, or an ordinary one? Isn't it possible they've only stuck together out of habit?

No. It's definitely not _true._ But someone who didn't know them could think that.

"I'm home," Makoto calls out, echoed by the twins in ragged near-unison. "Mom?" he adds, a moment later. 

"Not the kitchen! In _here,_ Oniichan!" Ran and Ren aren't the best at surprise parties, Haru thinks, but then one of them turns on the living room lights.

Nagisa bounces up first; behind the other couch, Haru sees Gou do the same, and blast her popper for good measure. Haru and Rei stand up more slowly. Rin had been trying to act all cool, but he's definitely louder than Gou as he shouts "Surprise!" and shoots streamers and glitter right at Mako.

There's the flash of a camera — Mrs. Tachibana's doing, from her own hiding place behind the armchair — and then Haru pops his noisemaker, just a little behind Rei and Nagisa. 

Makoto has a twin on each hand — clearly they'd been pulling him along — and his mouth is open. He's going to get embarrassed about that photo later, and Mrs. Tachibana will say it's perfect and paste it in an album anyway. Haru sees his eyes flicking from one of them to the next, landing on Haru last, and his expression firming up into a smile.

He hears the sound of the shutter; Mrs. Tachibana must have turned off the flash. 

 

The cake is from a bakery. Rei and Nagisa had gotten too enthusiastic about beautifully decorated cakes for anything homemade to suffice. The snacks are Mrs. Tachibana's doing, though. 

"I had no idea!" Makoto keeps exclaiming. 

If he keeps being surprised, he's not going to get to the snacks before Nagisa's ravaged them. Haru moves some cookies onto Makoto's plate, then a slice of the pizza; the healthier stuff should be relatively safe.

"Well, to be fair, your birthday's on Monday," Mrs. Tachibana says. "We did cheat a little."

"Yeah, but I didn't even suspect anything!"

Despite how suspicious the twins were acting right at the end. "It's a good thing you're so trusting," Rin says. "So, uh, for your birthday. Here." He almost seems for a moment like he's going to toss whatever he has — it looks like a thick card — at Makoto, but he manages to restrain himself and just hand it over. "It's from me and Gou," he adds.

"We got you something too!" Nagisa actually holds out two things, but they're both cards. Nagisa's choice must have been aesthetically unsatisfactory so Rei needed one of his own. "Me and Rei-chan," he adds, as if there was any doubt. 

Rin and Nagisa went in together on a gift card too, Haru knows. He ended up following the crowd on that front — for an electronics store, in his case, which was probably on the selfish side considering how often he plays games at Mako's — but now, with their apparently-beautiful childhood friendship fresh in everyone's minds, he feels guilty handing over another meager-looking card to add to the little heap. "I'll give you my gift tomorrow," he says gruffly, looking down. That just makes it sound like it should be more special. Maybe he can cook something. A homemade cake. Something handmade — but Makoto doesn't use phone charms or anything like that. 

"Thanks, Haru," Mako says softly, smiling at him like Haru actually gave him something good, then, "Everyone, thank you! The surprise party alone was a great present."

"We're doing everything out of order!" Ren complains. "It's supposed to be cake first, then presents!"

"Oops," Makoto says, even though it hadn't been his fault. "I guess it's been too long since I've been to a regular birthday party." The twins' birthday had only been a few months ago, but neither of them brings that up. "I guess we should do the cake now, huh?"

"Wait," Gou says. "One other thing first."

"Yes!" Nagisa pounces, with the party hat he'd originally intended for Rei. Makoto ducks, grumbling, when Nagisa tries to place the elastic himself, and takes the hat away from him. But then he dons it without complaint.

Candles. Singing. Slices of cake, with ice cream melting into it. Haru doesn't remember whether he'd ever found the whole process fun when he was Ren and Ran's age, but somehow it makes him a little nostalgic now. While _fun_ might be stretching it a bit, everyone else is happy and laughing; it's hard not to at least smile a little. And the food is good.

He lets everyone else do the talking, while he eats slowly, and watches. Makoto donates the frosting flower and the strawberry from his cake slice to the twins, while Rei saves his for last. Rin scrapes as much of the frosting off the cake as he can and let Nagisa steal it from his plate. Gou dithers over taking seconds, then goes for it because Nagisa clearly has no such compunction. Makoto's mother takes her slice into the kitchen, where he can hear water running; he isn't sure if she's really cleaning up or just trying to stay out of their way, though. 

He gets his answer when she comes to collect the plates. "Shall I pull out those baby photos?" she asks.

"Mom, _no,"_ Makoto says, real alarm in his voice. 

"Definitely not," Haru seconds. He's well aware that he's going to be in half of them. More than half, for the year or two between kindergarten and the twins' birth. 

"No, we _totally should,"_ Rin says. The gleam is back in his eye. Nagisa nods emphatically. 

"I'd like to see them as well," Rei says. "Other than Coach Sasabe's photos, I haven't seen any childhood photos of Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai..."

Did that mean he'd seen childhood photos of Nagisa? Or Rin? "That's how it should be," Haru says.

"Oh, these go back a lot further than the club," Makoto's mother says with a laugh. "Is everyone done eating? Come on into the living room." 

 

The twins have seen the photos before, so they're out; Makoto sacrifices precious mother-vetoing minutes to set them up with a video game, leaving Haru to try to fight their battle alone.

It's difficult, though, because he's dramatically outvoted — only Gou seems to be wavering on the merits of baby pictures — and also because Mrs. Tachibana weakens his resolve with the first album. Haru's not especially weak against babies, unless they're wearing Iwatobi-chan outfits, but Makoto was apparently a very cute baby. 

"And you'll barely be in this one," she adds in a conspiratorial tone. It's like she thinks he can't see that she has four of them stacked in her lap. "Mizuki and I would go for walks and things. Shopping. We weren't taking photos of your first steps together."

"Come onnn, let's start! Mako-chan will just give up if we're already in the middle of it before he gets back!" 

Haru hesitates, looking at the half-dozen or so albums still on the shelf. Were they planning to be here all afternoon? He'd hoped to spend at least some time today at the gym or the ITSC, swimming.

The photos go by quickly, though, with Mrs. Tachibana offering running commentary as she turns the pages; everyone's gathered around the armchair to look. Newborn Makoto. Six weeks old, in a tiny Santa cap and red onesie. A tiny hand wrapped around a finger, a sleeping face, and of course they get to naked baby Mako in the bath about twenty seconds after Makoto rejoins them in the living room. 

_"Mom!"_ he wails, going crimson from neck to hairline. Haru helpfully turns the page; in the next one, his mother and Makoto's are both sitting on a blanket under a sakura tree. Makoto's sitting up in his mother's lap; Haru is standing, with his mother's hand supporting him. 

"You were still pretty wobbly," Mrs. Tachibana says to Haru. "You weren't walking yet."

"Was he swimming?" Gou asks.

"Mm... not until that summer." 

The shock from everyone except Makoto is a little overblown, but it's news to Haru, too. "Not _swimming,_ " she clarifies. "But Mizuki signed up for parent-and-child swimming lessons, where the idea is just to get the baby used to the water — floating and splashing, things like that — and Haru took to them."

Which he could have told them as soon as he knew about the lessons. "Too bad none of that's in this album," Makoto says. Haru glares, but Makoto just smiles back at him. 

"Maybe in the Nanase's. Did they take all those with them, Haru?"

"Yes," Haru lies. He really has no idea. Probably. They wouldn't think he'd want to go through his own baby photos, surely. His parents know him better than that.

"You can't go getting the Nanases' albums, Mom," Makoto says. "That's just our first spring. We're going to be here till midnight. And everyone's seen me naked already..."

"You were a baby!" Gou protests, like she hadn't blushed and covered her face with her hands at that photo. "It's perfectly natural."

"So are a lot of things babies do that are embarrassing when you're older," Makoto counters. 

"Okay, well, let's see..." Mrs. Tachibana flips through the pages faster, but still stops now and then to proudly point out favorites: Makoto's first birthday, with cake all over his face and hands and hair; Makoto toddling; Makoto at maybe a year and half, being held by his father at some water park, and clutching a plush orca slightly bigger than he is; Makoto running naked while his mother gives chase, both of them slightly blurry.

 _"Noooooo,"_ present-day Makoto groans, burying his face against the armchair's back. His ears are red. "Mom, why?"

"Your father thought he was being funny," she says. 

"Is that in the woods?" Rei asks, nudging his glasses up his face like that will focus the photo.

"Exactly," she says. "First annual family camping trip."

"You couldn't have taken some pictures of bears or something?" Makoto complains. "Why's it in the _album?"_

"Here." She turns the page. Makoto's father is holding a fishing rod in one hand and a fish in the other; he looks proud, while Makoto (is he two yet? Haru's lost track of where they are chronologically) eyes the fish with some trepidation. He looks about thirty seconds away from breaking into tears. "Your father teaching you how to fish."

"I don't think I was learning much at that age."

"Except that you don't like to fish," Haru suggests.

"True!" Off his mother's look, Makoto amends, "I like all of fishing except the part where you catch a fish. And where you bait the hook."

"So you just like sitting by the water?" That's Rei.

"That sounds about right..."

The next album starts with a birthday cake — that's where he turns two — and baby Makoto looks like he wants to grab the fire, not blow the candles out. He's more active now, Bundled up and toddling in the snow. Playing with blocks. Chewing on a toy. "We're the embarrassing kind of parents," Mrs. Tachibana repeats, probably sensing some flagging interest.

"I _know,"_ Makoto says darkly, or at least as darkly as he's capable of. 

"Ooh! Look, there's Haru-chan!"

Nagisa has a good eye, or maybe a delusional one; she'd flipped past that page fairly quickly. It's nothing too impressive, just the two of them on the beach, maybe three years old.

"I'm not even in the water," Haru says dismissively, which for some reason makes everyone laugh.

There's a photo at a summer festival — probably the squid festival, going by the signs in the background — with Makoto's mother holding his hand, both of them wearing yukata. Makoto's is white, with crabs and fish printed on it in blue and brown; they get a good amount of time to look at it because everyone agrees that's adorable.

"Shouldn't it be orcas, though?"

"Or squid," Rin suggests.

"I don't think they put those on yukata..." 

Everyone acts like Haru never smiles, but he's smiling right now. He doesn't even get too embarrassed when he realizes Makoto's looking at him, smiling too; he makes himself meet his eyes before he looks back down, to see Mrs. Tachibana turn the page again. 

Makoto's fourth birthday. "I must have missed his third... and the 7-3-5 festival," she says sadly, but Makoto reaches over her shoulder to point at someone in the photo and stop her from turning back. That one's the first party; Haru's there, and a few other kids he doesn't remember, though Makoto seems to. Probably from preschool. Little Makoto looks impossibly sad as he stares at his cake. "You tried to blow out your candles and you didn't even get one of them," his mother explains.

"I remember that! I was sad because that meant I wouldn't get my wish."

"What were you going to wish for?" Mrs. Tachibana asks, turning her head to look up at him.

"Hmm." Finger on his chin, he's giving it some real thought. "For you to have a baby, I think? Because Ai-chan's baby sister was really cute." 

"Ai-chan?" Nagisa repeats.

"Not Nitori! A girl named Ai."

"Sorry we kept you waiting," Mrs. Tachibana says, with a bit of a laugh. "At least I delivered with interest." 

"At four I would have been too little to hold a baby anyway."

"And you probably would have had more problems with all the attention babies take." She turns the page. "Here's Christmas again!" 

This time Haru's wearing the Santa hat. Makoto has a reindeer antler headband. They're both sitting in a pile of wrapping paper, holding presents; Haru's looks like an action figure of the blue hero from that sentai team they'd liked.

"You were really into hats," Makoto notes.

"Ren broke me of that. He wouldn't stand for _anything_ on his head when he was a baby. But Haruka's grandmother took that one. She wanted to let us have a romantic Christmas Eve dinner. Both of us, I mean, your father and I and the Nanases."

"Poor Grandma," Makoto says. 

"I don't think we were too much trouble."

Mrs. Tachibana shakes her head. "You weren't. I can't say you were always as quiet as you are now, but you were both good kids."

"So Haru was rowdy when he was little, huh?" Rin's kind of smirking at him for some reason.

"Mmm... I wouldn't say _rowdy,_ but..."

"Oh, Haru's grandma!" Makoto says. The New Year's photo has both families; Haru and his mother and father and grandmother, Makoto and his parents. Haru stares at his grandmother's photo; she looks so much younger than he remembers, even though she died five years later.

A preschool class photo, with all the children lined up, wearing their yellow caps. Kids working in a garden; Haru has his back turned to the camera but Makoto has turned to face it, muddy fingers raised in a timid-looking V. Haru's birthday party, populated again with kids from his preschool he doesn't remember. Five candles.

"But this is Haruka-senpai's birthday," Rei says. "Isn't this more appropriate for the Nanase family album?"

"I couldn't leave out my second son, could I?"

"Second? But Haruka-senpai's a little older..." 

"She adopted me later." 

"You should call Mako-chan ‘Onii-chan,'" Nagisa exclaims.

Haru and Makoto look at each other for a moment. "No," they say, in unison.

Laughing, Mrs. Tachibana turns the page. "It's a joke, but it's true that Haruka's mother and I would both answer to ‘Mom' from either of the boys." 

There's another beach photo, and this time Haru's in the water, just like he should be, looking very solemn in a bright blue floaty ring; Makoto has a kickboard. Festival photos: Makoto pouting at the fish-catching game, Haru sternly facing down the ring-toss though he could barely see over the counter, Makoto's father trying the shooting game. Makoto with his goldfish, beaming at the camera. Haru glances at him, but there's no shadow or flicker on his face, just happy nostalgia. 

Family camping photos. Despite what he said earlier about fishing, little Makoto looks incredibly proud of the minnow-sized fish he caught. 

Mrs. Tachibana turns the page and without warning all hell breaks loose.

Halloween costumes. They're both dressed as — which sentai show _was_ that? Haru's blue and Makoto's green, anyway, and they're doing two parts of the team's five-part pose. That's not the embarrassing part. The embarrassing part is that they decided to fill out the team by dressing up stuffed animals in costume. And trying to get them into poses too.

Rin is _hooting,_ and Nagisa's on the floor. Gou has both hands over her mouth, trying to keep her composure. "Aww, I thought it was a cute idea!" Mrs. Tachibana says.

"It makes perfect sense if you think about it from the perspective of making a balanced team!" Rei says. "If you had three or more in your group you could still—"

"We both wanted to be red, didn't we," Haru says quietly to Makoto. He can't even remember why. Because he was the leader?

"Yeah. So we compromised."

Compromised isn't quite right; Makoto had been ready to cede red to Haru, but then Haru thought better of red as well. For similar reasons to those Rei's talking about at length; if the two of them were green and blue, they could form two sides of the team pose, but if Haru was red and Mako was green, it would be lopsided. Makoto's beloved stuffed bear, now resident on Ran's bed, was red. The stuffed orca was black, of course. They'd dressed a penguin in pink.

"I don't think it's _that_ funny," Makoto says now, still in an undertone.

"Oh, they're just setting each other off," Mrs. Tachibana says. "I know for a fact Nagisa had some silly costumes back in the day."

"I'd wear silly costumes _every_ day if I could get away with it," Nagisa says brightly. His recovery is a lot quicker than Rin's, or Gou's, for that matter. Rin has to go find some tissues to wipe his eyes because he laughed so hard he cried, and Gou keeps bursting into giggles at odd times.

But they move on. It's near the end of the last of the albums she pulled out; they see the photos from Makoto's fifth birthday party, and then there's another photo of the two of them posing. Behind them you can see the gravel of a shrine courtyard, but the photo's centered on the two of them, dressed up in kimono, hakama and haori; as if in honor of the importance of the occasion, Haru's looking at the camera. 

_"There's_ a Shichi-Go-San picture," Mrs. Tachibana says proudly. "Aren't they darling? I still want to find the one where they're three."

"I want to see more Halloween costumes," Rin says, and Gou presses her fist to her mouth in a futile attempt to suppress a giggle.

"I want to go take a bath," Haru announces.

Makoto's hooked an arm around his waist and another around his shoulders before he's halfway to the door.

 

They seem to have missed an album, because the next one opens with them starting first grade, the same photo that's on the shelf. There's nothing too embarrassing beyond the general embarrassment of childhood photos — the reminder that you used to be small and helpless and a little funny-looking, sometimes missing some teeth, and yet you're still recognizable as yourself — in the parade of school trips and projects and birthday parties and festivals. That year Makoto and Haru both wore yukata, Haru's dark blue, Makoto's green and printed with dragonflies. "Would you believe they had some with stag beetles?" Makoto's mother asks.

"Have to get one of those for Momo," Rin mutters.

"Is that the boy—" Gou begins.

"Don't worry. He's not allowed to date you," Rin says. "You're safe."

"Um, thanks, Onii-chan."

"From Samezuka's team," Makoto explains to his mother. 

"Sometimes girls _want_ to date, you know," she says sweetly in Rin's general direction. 

"Not _him,_ " Rin says firmly. "Trust me."

"To be fair, I don't remember his name."

"Even though he screams it at her every time he sees her," Rin adds. 

"Ah. Maybe you're being a good big brother. Take notes, Makoto."

"Um, Ran still has a few years..." 

"She's bound to be pretty, though," Nagisa says. "I mean, look at your mom."

Makoto's mom practically sparkles at him. Haru wonders if he's just lost his place as adopted son. "Maybe I shouldn't show you the album where I'm pregnant," she says.

"Whaaat? Mom, those are great photos!" 

And there are a lot of them, if Haru's memory serves, to displace some of the embarrassing childhood photos of Makoto and Haru. "They were," he says. Nagisa will probably tell her she was radiant.

"I think that was around when your father got the waterproof camera," she says. "Swimming photos." 

They're not completely off the hook. "On this shelf, right?" he asks anyway.

* * *

Somehow, he's stopped minding so much. He and Makoto are both suffering about equally, after all. There are more photos of Makoto, but Haru keeps starring in the photos that make everyone laugh the most. 

"I think it's because of the contrast," Rei explains. "Haruka-senpai always looks so serious, even as a very young child, so when he has that look in the middle of some ridiculous scene it's far funnier than if it were, say, Nagisa-kun in the same position."

"Hmm," Makoto's mother says. Even _she_ giggled at the photo of Haru with the chicken mascot, and she's the one who took it in the first place. He feels a little betrayed. "It's true that Makoto with the same mascot wasn't nearly as funny..."

"Maybe it's just because Haru-chan's always liked mascots," Nagisa suggests. "It's funny because it doesn't fit him."

"That's just what I said, though! The contrast!"

"What's on the next page?" Haru asks, a little desperately. The next page mercifully pushes his childhood mascot-hugging adventures out of their minds temporarily; Makoto, wide-eyed and surprised, with his hand on his mother's pregnant belly. 

"That's the first time I felt one of the twins move," Makoto says. His eyes, fixed on the photo, are shining a little, and there's a slight smile on his lips. Haru pulls his eyes away from Makoto's face, back to the photo.

"Beautiful," Rei murmurs, transfixed. 

At least it makes more sense to think this moment in the photo is beautiful, than something as intangible and long-lasting and complicated as a friendship. 

There are a lot more photos of Mrs. Tachibana and her advancing pregnancy, interspersed with Makoto growing up, school events and family outings. She puts aside the yukata for the summer festival that year: "They really don't make them for ladies seven months pregnant with twins," she says with a laugh. There's a photo of Mrs. Tachibana asleep on the couch, head thrown back, with Makoto's head in her lap, hand against her belly. "My wonderful husband," she grouses. "I'm lucky I wasn't drooling."

"How was he supposed to resist something that cute, though?" Gou asks. "Look at that."

"I'm amazed Makoto could sleep with his head there," she says. "The twins were always on the move by that point. Or maybe they took turns — it was a little hard to tell." 

"I think one time one of them kicked me in the head," Makoto says. "I just rolled over." 

"Training to be a big brother," Rin says. "You have to take a lot of abuse."

"Hey," Gou protests; Rin just pats her shoulder. 

The twins take over the album for a while. Makoto and Haru make an appearance, each holding one newborn twin. They're seated on the couch, pillows on their laps in case they fail in supporting their necks properly. Makoto's obviously just as concerned about neck support as his parents could possibly hope — it looks like he's reminding Haru about it. It only matters for a few months; in a page or two the twins are holding their own heads up, sitting up and rolling over and crawling. Makoto's eighth birthday is in there somewhere, but with only a few pictures and a few guests. "Sorry about that," she says to him. "The twins were running us ragged."

"Mom, it's fine! I wouldn't even remember if not for the pictures," he says. "Wait, did somebody get a hat on Haru?"

"No." Haru's already spotted himself, considered this possibility, and rejected it. "It's someone behind me. See?"

"Okay, if you say so..." 

Haru glares at him — he could at least pretend not to be so skeptical — but Makoto's happily oblivious, turning the page to more baby pictures.

They join the swimming club. There are occasional photos from club events — any parent could get copies — and though Mrs. Tachibana remembered the timeframe a bit wrong, there are photos taken in the water the following summer, when they swim at the beach. Mr. Tachibana's underwater photography experiments: Haru completely underwater, hair afloat, goggles on and nose held, because Makoto hadn't wanted to do it; Makoto swimming crawl in a storm of splashes. 

"I thought Mako-chan didn't like the ocean," Nagisa says.

"What?" Gou asks. Haru frowns at Nagisa. Gou never heard the story, and for that matter, he's not sure Makoto ever told his parents, either.

"It didn't change that I liked to swim," Makoto says, without missing a beat. "The ocean was right there, and we'd go to the beach on picnics and things. And once the swimming club closed, of course I'd swim at the beach, because it was the only way I got to swim."

Which leaves out the way they both quit the middle school swim club. Mrs. Tachibana hums slightly in a way that makes Haru think she's going to ask some questions later, but she just turns the page again; Ran's standing on the sand, holding her father's hands, mouth open in what has to be a delighted squeal, while Ren's crawling on the beach towel next to her. Makoto's crouched next to him, and in the next photo, he's helping Ren stand.

 _"Such_ a good brother," Gou says wistfully.

"Hey, not my fault I'm only a year older than you. I couldn't do most of that stuff." 

The albums must be out of order; the next one starts with the beginning of sixth grade for them and kindergarten for the twins. 

"Sorry, I'm a lot less cute at this age," Makoto says, sounding not the least bit sorry. "Good thing the twins are adorable."

"You're still plenty cute," Makoto's mother says.

"And I start showing up, and I'm _adorable,"_ Nagisa adds. Mrs. Tachibana beams at him. 

The sixth grade photos are all familiar. Awards from swimming competitions. A school trip. The twins keep getting taller, and showing off school projects. Ran's hair keeps getting longer in every photo, and he still remembers how proud she was. Some of these were in Coach Sasabe's album too. Snowmen outside the swimming club. "Haru was so pissed off about my snow shark," Rin says with a laugh. 

"You couldn't just make a snow shark. You had to have it threaten to eat my dolphin."

"Now, now..." Makoto says, exactly like he did then.

"Rin-san's birthday isn't included?"

"He didn't invite us," Nagisa says, and makes a pouty face. "So mean."

"Like Haru would even have come! I was still fighting to get you guys into the relay with me, remember?"

"It seems like we barely even saw Rin, for all that you boys talked about him," Mrs. Tachibana says.

"You talked about me?" Rin asks. 

Haru assesses the look in his eye, the smirk on the verge of eruption, then makes eye contact with Makoto. "Not really," they say in unison.

"Nagisa did," Makoto adds.

Rin huffs irritatedly; Mrs. Tachibana's giving them a mildly reproving look, but she doesn't say anything.

There's the photo from after the relay; Haru remembers Rin's arm draped around his shoulders, but what the camera doesn't show is the other contact, Makoto's hand on his back. 

"Bye-bye, Rin-rin," Nagisa says. "So much for your role in the family album."

There's the first day of middle school, the two of them in their uniforms under the sakura, Mako's arm brushing his. The twins and the kindergarten, for the last time; next year they'll be in first grade. Posing after another race, with the school club this time. Haru's looking at the camera, for once, and Makoto's looking at him. Summer uniforms, and Makoto's hand on Haru's shoulder; Haru had gotten impatient with the photo because Makoto kept blinking, and Makoto was trying to get him to stay for one more try. 

Haru's birthday, with his parents, and Makoto and Nagisa and Aki — his mother had insisted he invite some friends.

Photos of the Tachibana family camping trip, but Haru's not in most of those — they took him along the year his parents moved, but they haven't reached that yet. There they all are around Makoto's birthday cake; Makoto's cheeks are puffed out to blow out the candles, but he hasn't let go of Haru's sleeve where he was tugging on it. Trying to get him to smile at the camera, probably, or at least look at it. Or at least that would be the excuse, because now that Haru looks at the photos, he's remembering. Makoto's hand on his wrist, his shoulder, his back, Makoto pulling on his sleeve. Feeling Makoto watching him from across the room, even when he wasn't doing anything worth watching.

There'd been a time — a little before that relay, and some months afterwards — when he felt like Makoto was hanging onto him all the time. He'd never thought about why it had happened, why Makoto kept holding onto him in all these little ways, more than he had for some time before and more than he ever did again.

It hadn't been anything obvious. It hadn't kept Makoto from thinking about joining the basketball club, or making friends in his own class. It might have been nothing at all, except that it keeps turning up in the pictures. A group photo from their school trip: Haru's in the front row, and Makoto's right behind him, a hand on his shoulder. 

It's winter, and there's a photo of the twins and Haru and Makoto with their snow creations; the twins are posing in the doorway of a snow fort, grins and attempted V-symbols despite their thick snow gloves, but Makoto's been caught in the middle of trying to cram a knit cap onto Haru's head. There's a Christmas party with the school club, and they're all posed around the cake; Haru's looking away, and Makoto's looking at him. There are the Tachibanas, all dressed up to visit the shrine on New Year's; Makoto's looking a little off-center, a little past the camera. At Haru, standing next to his father while he takes the photo; Makoto's mother took the matching one in the Nanase family album, which is a lot thinner than this one.

Haru remembers Makoto's handwriting on the wooden plaque: _I want my family and friends to be safe._ Haru hadn't said anything about it, but he'd thought it was a little strange. Not happy, or healthy, just safe.

Makoto's mother reaches the end of that album, and Haru takes it from her. He knows the shelf it goes on, but he pauses there, to open it up again.

The relay. He pages back from that, because he knows it was going on by the time of the relay. It wasn't a _new_ thing when it started. When they were younger, they'd hold hands. When they went on school trips in elementary school, and Makoto had a hard time falling asleep in a new place, he'd hold onto Haru's shirt or his sleeve, just a little between his thumb and forefinger; not so much that Haru felt like he was being pulled on or grabbed or restrained, but enough that it seemed to make Makoto feel better. Makoto would grab him sometimes if he got scared, try to hide behind him (try and fail, once he started getting so tall.) But it hadn't been routine. It had been a long time since it had happened all the time — Makoto had learned a long time ago that Haru didn't really like to be touched, which was why he only did it when he needed to.

Needed to for comfort, mostly. 

He looks at Makoto's hand holding a pinch of Haru's spring jacket between thumb and forefinger, looks at the grumpy expression on twelve-year-old Haru's face, and wants to tell the boy to be a little more understanding. Just a little. You don't like being touched, fine, but he's keeping it to the bare minimum.

A white scarf billowing in muddy water. A white room in a hospital — white and minty green and gray — and Makoto smiling and running off for the doctor, while Rin stayed in the background, quiet and subdued. Aki's scream, and Makoto shouting his name. His memories of that day are fragmented and feverish, but then, there's a good reason for that. 

Looking back, he realizes that he could have died. Hypothermia, drowning, pneumonia; he had quite a few options. He hadn't really acknowledged it or felt it. 

Makoto felt it enough for both of them.

 

When Haru rejoins the group, without any fresh albums, Mrs. Tachibana is in the middle of their fourth-grade year; the twins are toddling, and their cuteness is keeping everyone riveted, but Makoto notices Haru's not carrying anything, and nods slightly. Haru watches him watch his mother, and when she closes the current album, Mako finally speaks up. "Mom, I know you probably have more embarrassing highlights you really need to show everyone..."

"I might need to pull out the tablet if I wanted to be really thorough," she says. "You kids had plans, didn't you?"

"Karaoke!" Nagisa and Gou crow in unison; Haru's a little surprised there's no fist-pump, but they may have been caught off-guard. 

Herding everyone where they need to be takes a while. The twins want to say goodbye (actually, they want to tag along at first) and Nagisa and Mrs. Tachibana are big fans of each other now, especially since she's encouraging him to polish off the remaining food. But they eventually get out of the house and through the station gates. On the train, Haru no longer needs to keep a secondary eye on Nagisa lest he wander off — though that's mostly Rei's job now — or attempt to listen patiently as Rei agonizes over his knowledge of current music relative to the rest of them. He can just hold onto a strap at the edge of their group, and watch Makoto for a change. It's only fair, after Makoto watched him for so long.

It's not just because it's his birthday that everyone clusters around Makoto. People have always liked him, and he likes people back. Haru's not totally sure of the cause and effect there, since neither part of it is true of him. Makoto's now the one fielding all the cracks about their embarrassing childhood photos, even though they laughed harder at the photos of Haru. 

Makoto's easier to tease, though; where Haru would get annoyed and glare at them and stare out the window, Makoto laughs and complains and sometimes argues back, and even if there's some real embarrassment, Haru can see that he's having fun, too. He's having fun even when Nagisa says something about food and picking up the tab that makes him scowl, even when they momentarily start talking about the unsettled future of the club and Makoto starts to look serious, though Nagisa and Rei are so optimistic he doesn't stay worried long.

And then Rin and Rei start to get fired up and competitive about karaoke, because apparently karaoke is a thing people can be competitive about. Haru's just glad to see that it's Rei that started it, because if Rin needed someone to compete with, he'd probably focus on Haru, and Haru wants no part of that. Rei is welcome to him. Apparently Rei's over his worries that he doesn't know enough pop music.

Of course Makoto starts to mediate. He's always done that — it's not _always_ fair to call it meddling, just most of the time — often in big, pain-in-the-neck ways that splashed over onto Haru. But this time it's small enough Haru's not even sure the others notice. He starts asking questions about how the ratings work, and without ever saying anything directly, he's gettting them to agree to some kind of terms in advance. He ends up looking kind of flustered and helpless when Nagisa and Gou take sides, but by then, everyone's laughing; by the time Gou's saying things like "My big brother won't lose at power ballads!" surely no one's taking it seriously.

Surely they weren't taking it that seriously to begin with, but it's just like Makoto to worry anyway, even when it's nothing. Maybe especially when it's nothing. He worries when Haru's exhausted from pushing himself too hard or swimming too far, when he has a fever or a cold or he's in the water too early in the spring. So Haru has to be the one to worry about him, to pull him out of the ocean in a storm or away from the water's edge as night falls. 

What if he'd looked at those albums from the other direction? Would the camera ever catch his eyes on Makoto?

Makoto does, anyway. As the train pulls to a stop, he meets Haru's eyes and smiles until Haru breaks the eye contact and looks out the window. Then he bumps Haru's shoulder with his, and says, "Haru-chan, we're here." It's almost like he really did read Haru's mind, saw how sentimental he was getting, and decided he needed to be annoyed a little to return him to normal. 

Haru hmphs at him, but doesn't say anything about the _Haru-chan,_ and Makoto smiles and apologizes anyway, and they're the last ones to leave the train. Which is fine, because this is where Gou and Nagisa take over; they planned this part and scouted the area like they were a paramilitary unit, to hear them tell it, so they lead the way and take charge, which includes taking the controls away from the birthday boy himself to order the food. 

"Don't worry, Makoto-senpai, you're not paying for anything. It's your birthday!" Gou exclaims, which is the kind of reassurance anyone would need as she hands the menu controller off to Nagisa. 

"Don't let him—" Rin and Rei both shout, but it's in Nagisa's hands now, and he lets out a gleeful giggle without ever taking his eyes off the menu. "I only brought so much money, Gou!" Rin grumbles.

"Don't be so uptight, Rin-chan! We need to make sure we have a birthday feast for Mako-chan here! And you and Rei-chan need plenty of energy for your showdown."

"We already had the birthday feast!" Rin halfway growls, and Rei, who's probably going to do okay as captain even if he gets a lot of new members, plucks the controls away from Nagisa and passes them to Gou.

"Just because it's the off-season doesn't mean we shouldn't watch what we eat," Rei adds, for good measure, and Gou's eyes light up. "We should let our manager have the final say on any food orders."

"That's right! Leave it to me!" 

Nagisa pouts, and he tries his headbutt technique on both Rei and Makoto — but not Gou, who seems like the obvious choice — to no avail. Haru ignores him to remind Gou about fish. Repeatedly. She doesn't seem to be paying much more attention to him than she did to Nagisa, but Makoto points to something on the sushi menu and she punches that one in.

Eventually, they all have drinks, and Haru can pull the sushi and the Hawaiian pizza over to his corner — that has to be Makoto's doing too, since Gou is wrong about pineapple on pizza and she's making faces at it even now — drink his water, and listen to Rin and Rei posture at each other. He's mildly curious about how, exactly, people compete at karaoke, but he's not about to ask. He's pretty sure he's going to learn in excruciating detail over the course of the evening anyway.

It involves a scoring system that's in there alongside the song menu itself, which is at least a relief, because it means they don't have to judge the singing themselves. The rest of them sing between rounds of this. Haru lets Makoto pull him in to sing backup now and then, and when it's his own turn, Haru tries American rock songs from before they were all born, just to annoy Rin with his pronunciation. Gou and Nagisa sing idol songs together. Rin tries rap.

Haru doesn't mind letting Makoto catch him enjoying himself, but he's also spending a lot of time trying to chase his thoughts into quiet corners of his mind where he can spend some time examining them. Thoughts about Makoto, and himself, that he hasn't let himself think for a while.

The last time was on that plane to Australia. His seat was nowhere near Rin's, so he sat between two strangers, drank every glass of water the flight attendants would give him, and thought about Makoto and their fight while he pretended to watch an action movie. At least they weren't trying to kill each other, he thought. At least no one was brainwashed. He still didn't want to be in Japan. He still didn't want to think about the future, about moving forward, and away. He didn't want to think about things changing.

Things are already changing, and having something to work toward helps, but it still scares him, a low-level fear that doesn't ever spike or abate. Years ago, Makoto had scared him in a different way, a sharper, sudden way, when he said he thought of going to a place Haru wasn't. 

He hadn't meant Tokyo, back then, but Haru's reaction had been almost the same. A spike of fear, his heart jumping up to race in his chest. Pain. 

Almost the same. That night all those years ago, he'd been honest with Makoto. Under the fireworks, all he'd done was run away.

But what he'd been thinking was the same. _Don't go. Stay with me. I need you._

* * *

Even though it was already afternoon when they went inside, it's still somehow surprising to emerge from the bright karaoke box into the darkness of the nearly-winter evening, and while Haru shoves his hands into his pockets, he waves away Makoto's offered scarf. He's pretty sure they're equally able to take the cold. 

Rei seems to think he triumphed over Rin in their competition, and Rin and Gou seem to think it was inconclusive, and Nagisa wants to go do something else — multiple somethings else, as different things catch his eye — but Makoto keeps steering them toward the station, to Haru's relief. His friends mean a lot more to him than he's going to admit when they're not close to a pool or at least talking about one, but he wants some peace and quiet.

He wants to be with Makoto. He can at least admit that much, in the privacy of his own mind. 

He gets his wish in the end; they see Gou onto one train, and Rei and Nagisa onto another, and Rin onto a third, and then it's just the two of them, waiting on a nearly-empty platform. 

"Ahhh, that was fun," Makoto says, for what has to be the third time. Haru's assenting noise is definitely less heartfelt this time. He has to come up with something or Makoto will just keep doing this.

"Makoto," he says, and of course gets his full attention instantly. "Your present..."

"It's okay," Makoto says. "I'm harder to shop for than I used to be, right? Now that I'm going to Tokyo..."

 _Thanks for the reminder._ Then Haru realizes Makoto thinks he didn't have anything picked out yet. 

"That's what Mom said, anyway. That she doesn't want to get me anything bulky, because I won't have much room for it."

"I got you a gift card," Haru says. "I just... decided at the last minute it wasn't enough."

"No, that's perfect," Makoto says. But it's not perfect. Everyone got him gift cards.

"I wanted to do something more. I don't know what. I'll bake a cake tomorrow."

"Haru, you don't have to do anything, really. Just having you with me for my birthday is enough. I know you don't always like this kind of thing." 

"No, it was... I didn't mind it." This conversation's getting away from him. "I didn't even mind the baby photos," he adds, partly to change course, and partly because he knows it'll make Makoto laugh, and he wants to see that right now. 

"That's more than I can say," Makoto says, but he just looks happy. "Jeez. Why are things like that so embarrassing when everyone has them?"

That's when the train arrives. The only other people on the platform, a trio of businessmen, go into other cars; they have a car almost all to themselves, save for one sleepy-looking young woman at the far end. 

There's no reason other than habit for the two of them to stand by the door, but that's what they do, holding onto the metal bar at different heights.

"Haru," Makoto says, quietly, once the train's moving. "It seemed like something caught your eye in one of the photo albums, a little before we left."

Of course he'd noticed. "Mm. I don't know if it was something you noticed too, or not. You've probably looked at those albums more." 

"What did you see?"

"It wasn't every time. But in a lot of the photos from our last year of elementary school and our first year of middle school, it seemed like you were holding onto me, or looking at me. Starting after that day at the river."

Makoto's exhale is audible. "I never noticed that." 

"Maybe it was just my imagination." Photos miss so much, after all. There's no photo of that race against Rin the first winter of middle school, or of Gou entering them in the relay. There's no photo of how different Haru's second year of high school felt from his second year of middle school. There's no way you can take a photo of a friendship and decide whether or not it's beautiful. 

"No," Makoto says. "I think... I probably just wasn't aware of it." He chuckles faintly. "Do you remember that time with Ikuya and Asahi? When Ikuya was burying all those photos?"

And taking forever going through each one. Haru nods. 

"When I told them about being scared of the water, I grabbed onto you then, too." 

Just a small hold on the edge of his clothes; a pinch of his sleeve, that the others might not even have noticed. Haru nods again.

"So if I did it that time, consciously... it doesn't really surprise me that I did it other times, unconsciously. Whenever I thought about nearly losing you."

Haru's eyes slide away from Makoto's face, down to his shoulder. _A place that Haru isn't._ He stretches his index finger just a little, to cover Makoto's pinkie finger on the metal pole. "I'm not going anywhere," Haru says.

"Not yet."

Makoto's hand hasn't moved. "You're the one who's leaving."

"Some of the schools you've been talking to are in Tokyo."

Haru looks up again; Makoto's smiling. "How did you know?"

"Ama-chan-sensei let it slip."

"That's not very professional of her." Haru frowns out the window. 

"But it made me really happy."

"She should have saved it for today, then." Or left it for Haru to tell him.

"Is that why you didn't tell me? Saving it?"

It would be nice to pretend he'd thought that far ahead. Or been that certain Makoto would be happy to hear it. For all he knew, Makoto was going to be happy to be alone in Tokyo; he might be thinking of it as an adventure, a chance to be independent, to leave behind all his history and his past.

"Not really," he admits, finally. 

Suddenly, his hand is warm. Makoto's other hand is covering his on the support pole. "It's still a good birthday present, Haru."

A present that's not even from him. Does the fact that he acknowledged it really count for that much? "I still want to bake you a cake tomorrow."

"Ahh, that sounds great! As long as there's no mackerel involved..."

Haru resolves to figure out how to draw a mackerel in icing. "Mm." 

"Haru? Let's sit down." 

Just a little before a stop. Seated, they aren't practically holding hands, anymore, but their shoulders are pressed together for a moment. "When he saw that photo on your parents' table, the first grade photo, Rin called us twins."

Makoto chuckles. "We're nothing like twins. We don't fight nearly enough."

Makoto's hand is on the seat between them. 

"I didn't think so either," Haru says. 

Makoto's hand is larger than his, wider. Haru's fingers fit seamlessly into the spaces between Makoto's fingers; once they're arranged, Makoto squeezes his index finger slightly.

They barely talk for the rest of the ride home, until they have to get off the train, and let go of each other's hands. They walk home, just like they've always done. Makoto doesn't have any trivial remarks, this time, but every time Haru lets himself look at his face, he's smiling. Beaming.

It's apparently contagious.

When they split up on the stairs, they actually stop to face each other for the first time since they left the station. "Haru," Makoto says, then stops, looking like he wants to say more.

"Happy birthday," Haru says, looking down and to the side, like he's embarrassed to see the joy on Makoto's face.

"Haru," Makoto says again, then, "Thank you!" 

He wants to stay there, under the streetlight. He wants to say something more, something that really will be too embarrassing to put into words. 

He'd been so afraid of changing anything, but it had been like this all along. It wasn't a change, just acknowledging how things were.


End file.
